Pardon My Elbow in Your Side

Pardon My Elbow In Your Side

I’m at a Wedding 

My sister has a photo of a good friend of hers throwing the bridal bouquet. The bride has a huge smile on her face as she tosses the flowers. Several women wait with breathless anticipation and they all have blood on their minds, except me. While looking at it, my mom even remarked, “You’re the only one smiling.” The camera actually captured one woman with her elbow smashed in my side.

            This event happened years ago, but I think of it every now and then, because often I see the same mentality. People so eager to accomplish one goal, they forget the real reason they are there. These women should be happy to celebrate the marriage of a good friend, but instead they are thinking, “I must have bouquet…small children… old women watch out… the calla lilies and baby’s breath are mine!” I went to a wedding where women rolled around on the floor fighting for the bouquet. Sssh… this part is a secret… it’s no guarantee of marriage. Pardon my elbow in your side, but I’m at a Wedding.

I’m a Good Neighbor

           Recently my neighbor spray-painted my trash-cans. She spray-painted “YW” on my personal property. She did one a few months ago, and I didn’t say anything. Of course, I didn’t know she did it, until I asked her. She said she was afraid they wouldn’t take my yard waste if it didn’t have YW on there. She has helped me out in many situations. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t like it, but I know she meant well.

Now, this might be obsessive of me, but it isn’t centered. She painted right over my address. On the next windy day, I’m sure my trash can will be miles from my house and no one will return it, unless they can identify the weird YW.

 I wouldn’t even call the “W” a “W” I’d call it a sick “V” or as I like to refer to it as the melting “W” If she had asked, maybe I wouldn’t have minded. (No, actually I would.) So, Pardon my elbow in your side, but I’m trying to be a good Neighbor.    

I’m a Good Christian

This is difficult. I don’t say this to be mean spirited, but this is a blog, thus I’m to talk about my experiences and a bunch of other crap. I volunteer for my church. I do what I can. I work nights. I wish I could do more, but I also know my limits.

On more than one occasion when I have volunteered, I have felt the elbow in my side. I’ve been yelled at. Yes, yelled at, while they did their job, and I did mine.   

I’m not dead weight, I work, but you see they are so eager to serve the Lord, they forget we should also make nice. I realize, they are busy and usually have a time crunch.

I’m an usher. I volunteered because I know I can be there on Sunday and it’s easy work, most of the time.

We have learned to stay clear of the usher’s closet on Communion Sundays. That’s where one occasion of yelling came in. The communion preparers must have time to prepare the bread and juice and we must stay clear!

We have one-hour church services, but occasionally we have ninety-minute special services. I ushered on one such occasion. The head usher, who I thought would handle everything had to fill in somewhere else. They told me, John Smith would be in charge. I didn’t know him. A man came and told me I was in the wrong place. I assumed it was John Smith. He told me to go to the front and now. I went. Then I saw, the same man sitting in the back, not doing anything. This isn’t how head ushers act? He never did anything, just sat there.

Finally, the real John Smith introduced himself. He had his own people, they didn’t need me. He told me to sit down. I thought not being picked for the softball team in junior high was hard.

Who was the other man? Just someone who felt the need to order me around, I guess. (And this part is shocking, I’ve never seen the man serve as an usher, ever.)

There’s the time I was to help serve at the prize table. More yelling, sorry, we don’t need you. We’ve got it handled. I have a few other instances, but there’s no need. Please, Pardon my Elbow in your side, I’m trying to be a good Christian.

You can’t fault someone for trying can you? All instances are people who mean well, except for the women who want the bridal bouquet. They really are out for blood.

(See photo of “YW”)



About rhondamhall

I am employed full time and am a humor writer & bicycle enthusiast.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Pardon My Elbow in Your Side

  1. maryjocee says:

    Weddings bring out the best and worst in people, as is shown by your brawling bouquet-receivers all out for the bride pass. It’s commendable no one got hauled off in an ambulance. My own wedding, a farmer second-cousin kidnapped my new husband and it’s just by the grace of God that he escaped before being tied up and thrown naked into Beaver Creek,

    Church Ladies, everyone knows, are in SO many ways, THE church and the closest beings to angels we know. Yelling is never right, unless the cook’s hair is on fire or a calf is wandering in an isle. I’ve never heard as much as a loud yelp in many Catholic, Lutheran, or Methodist Churches. Try volunteering in one of these and see if I’m not right.

    Lastly, those ugly brown yard waste cans are a nonissue if you compost and mulch. If this doesn’t appeal to you, just take a spray can of black paint over to your neighbor’s front door and print her address numbers on it, about two feet tall each digit. If she says anything, just say it’s a safety issue and “you’re very welcome.”

    Rhonda, how’s your novels coming along?

    • rhondamhall says:

      Mary Jo, you crack me up. Glad your husband escaped. The trouble with my yard is I have a lot of sticks, they don’t break down easily. I would love to make mulch but my yard is too small to keep that around without being an eye sore or a hazard.

      I haven’t written new stuff recently, just editing & preparing to enter a contest.

  2. luvtowrite says:

    Love your post! I saw the photos of your YW on the trash container. Maybe this particular neighbor needs guidance in the proper technique of how to use a spray paint effectively? She may need some artistic help. 🙂

    In my single days years ago, at weddings, I would huddle in a corner or go to the buffet or bathroom to avoid the bouquet brawl. Not something I wanted to partake in.

    At church, maybe there are too many chiefs and not enough indians. That’s a head scratcher and as for neighbors–we have a covenant and there is a neighbor that is in violation and I am mildly annoyed that they are getting away with the violation. I know my annoyance stems from the fact that when we moved to our subdivision 12 years ago–we received a highlighted copy of the covenants code in our mailbox for the same violation. I am restraining myself as I want to do the same to these folks–highlight the covenants and put it in their mailbox.

    • rhondamhall says:

      I caught one bouquet & that’s was because I was the only one. I usually stand there, because my family makes me, with my arms folded. If it comes toward me, I’ll reach for it, but I won’t knock over children. Though, I have a family member who did. 🙂

      • luvtowrite says:

        I should have used my name on my previous comment. 🙂 At our wedding, there was only one single guy at our wedding who caught my garter and I think he was about 15 or 16. Awkward.

        Dee Ann

  3. kimber71 says:

    I never understood the whole bouquet thing either, like anyone really believes they won’t get married if they don’t catch some flowers? I think they just want to be the center of attention. And just so you know, if I had a softball team, I would so pick you to be on it!

  4. Ann Stephens says:

    Hey Rhonda, those two chicks showed up at a wedding I attended a couple years ago! Rolling around on the floor fighting & all. If you are going to fight with another female for the bride’s bouquet, it should be done right, with referees and everything. (Just my take.)

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