In today’s society, we have developed a new ailment known as Text Neck. It happens when people, particularly youths, look down so often they develop a sore neck. Of course, they are also slouching and ruining their posture. We’ve all seen videos of people walking into pools and falling down staircases. Yes, they should be more careful and yes it’s kind of funny until it happens to you.
I haven’t ever walked into a pool, but I have walked into a wall/pillar. Apparently, I couldn’t take my eyes off of a friend’s fascinating photo of their dinner or something equally mind numbing like a video of someone walking into a pool.
I have come to realize I have another technological neck ailment. It’s been around a lot longer. I call it Bifocal Neck. When I am not suffering from Text Neck, I have Bifocal Neck. I raise my head to a slight degree upward so I can use the thin line of bifocals in my glasses. I guess I’m glad it’s a narrow section, but I get the feeling the bifocals are so small, the Flying Wallenda’s could do their tightrope act on it.
I’ve had Bifocals for a while. I’ve never found them useful, in fact, for the most part, I find them incredibly annoying. To compensate, I push my glasses up so I can use my uncorrected vision to read. Or, I slide them down my nose and look over my glasses just like my old biology teacher used to. I’ll call that Biology neck. It’s the over the glasses, condemnation, don’t bother me, kid, I’m busy look. That’s Biology Neck. You know you are getting old when you start to do the same things your ancient biology teacher did thirty-five years ago.
You would think that Text Neck and Biology Neck counteract each other, but they don’t. I suppose in some way, I should be flattered that a person of my age can have Biology Neck, Text Neck and Bifocal Neck all at the same time. Okay, just so long as I don’t have Turkey Neck. You know that thin layer of skin that flaps in the breeze when you shake your head to alleviate Text Neck/Biology Neck. I’ve heard it said that if you raise your noggin just so, it will reduce the look of that extra layer of skin. It’s a tricky business all these necks.
Both Text Neck and Bifocal Neck have the same result. They hurt. To alleviate the pain, I swirl my head around like a soda jerk swirls ice cream at the local Dairy Sweet.
The cracking is a good thing. To compensate for the problem, I have lowered my desk at work, but I feel like I am sitting at the kid’s table.
One could never confuse Text Neck with rubber neck. Rubbernecking, as defined by Wikipedia, is the act of looking around. That’s the problem. People with Text Neck never see anything but their phones. They can’t take their eyes off their device.
To combat Text Neck, I just installed an app, called appropriately enough, Text Neck.
It will light up with a red head when I am viewing my phone at the wrong angle. A green head lights up when I have perfect posture. To picture this head, think of Blue Man Group. That’s what the head for this app looks like, only red or green.
I can set the app to vibrate or have a beeper go off. I need an app for Bifocal Neck. My glasses could beep at me when I’m doing the under/over glasses thing.
I’ve no idea how an app for turkey neck or rubber neck would work. I’m sure people develop turkey neck over time so it would have to be one long slow buzzer that zings you in the offending fold of skin. “You are in danger. It’s almost Thanksgiving!”
I shudder to think what would happen if my neck is down, my glasses lowered and then I develop turkey neck while rubber necking. The apps on my phone would go crazy!